I don’t always notice I’m holding tension — until I try to look over my shoulder and feel like a robot with a broken neck joint.
The laptop hunch. The phone scroll. The weird way I hold my jaw when I’m trying not to scream. It adds up.
And sometimes, yeah, a massage would be great. But time? Money? Privacy? Not always an option.
So this is what I do when I’ve got ten minutes, two hands, and a neck that’s pleading for mercy.
Start Here: Find Somewhere to Sit That Isn’t Stressful
Not on the edge of your bed while doomscrolling. Not at your desk.
Sit on the floor, or a chair that doesn’t remind you of work. Back straight, feet flat. Exhale through your nose. Let your arms go floppy.
You don’t have to feel calm. You just have to stop moving for a sec.
Step One: The Shoulder Grab (A Classic)
Reach your right hand over to your left shoulder. Grab the meat of it — not the bony bit, the muscley lump that always feels tighter than it should.
Squeeze and release. Again. And again.
Don’t overthink it.
Move your fingers around and find the gross bits. The crunchy, tired bits. That’s where you stay.
Five slow squeezes. Maybe ten. Then swap sides.
Step Two: The Thumb Dig (You Know the Spot)
Tilt your head slightly to the right.
With your left thumb, press just behind your ear and work your way down that ropey muscle — the one that sticks out when you turn your head. (It’s called the SCM if you’re into names.)
You’ll know when you hit a tight spot because your eyes might twitch.
That’s fine. Breathe.
Little circles. Gentle pressure. You’re not trying to “fix” anything — just loosen it a bit.
Do the other side. Slower this time.
Step Three: Base of Skull Press (Weirdly Soothing)
Clasp your hands and rest them at the back of your head. Use your thumbs to press into the base of your skull — those little notches where your neck and head meet.
Push in and up, like you’re trying to lift your skull slightly off your spine.
Sounds intense. Feels… unreal.
Hold for a few breaths. Let go. Roll your shoulders. Feel anything shift?
Even if it didn’t, your nervous system just got a little break.
Bonus If You’re Still Stuck: Jaw Wiggle + Chest Sweep
Clench your jaw. Then release it. Again. Then open wide like a yawn and exhale hard.
Use your fingertips to sweep lightly across your collarbones, outwards. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Just reconnects you to your front — the bit that collapses when stress makes you curl in.
Quick Heads-Up: When Not to Self-Massage
- If you’ve got a recent injury, nerve pain, or something that feels sharp, stop.
- If something feels worse after a few minutes, also stop.
- This is for tired muscles, not medical mysteries. If in doubt, leave it out.
Why It Helps (Even If You Don’t Do It “Right”)
Your muscles get sore when they don’t feel safe — not just from sitting funny, but from being on guard all the time. A bit of slow, familiar touch tells your body it’s okay to drop its shoulders.
This isn’t just about knots. It’s about signalling: you can rest now.
And if that idea feels foreign, you might like this post too:
👉 https://milispa.com/note-to-self-work-hard-rest-harder
When to Do This
- Before bed
- After a Zoom marathon
- When you’re angry but can’t punch a pillow because someone’s watching
- Mid-afternoon slump
- Right now, honestly
No oil needed. No fancy techniques. Just hands. And ten minutes of your own attention.
That alone does more than you think.